We are happy to have them in our family but at the same time we are a bit nervous. Tim and I have both grown up with animals but unfortunately our own children haven't. We were a bit concerned that they wouldn't respect the birds but decided we needed to start somewhere and give them the opportunity to learn about respecting animals.
Sure enough though, a spat erupted this morning where my 13 year old accused my 9 year old of throwing bird seed at the birds. My 9 year old responded that yes, he had, but my 13 year old was also doing it. My 13 year old adamantly denied it.
I didn't know who to believe. I sent them both to their room and told them to figure it out. Still neither came clean. My 13 year old seemed more believable... "I love the birds, I would never hurt them"... whereas my 9 year old seemed smug "dude, just admit it" with a big grin on his face.
Admittedly, I took a side. I believed my 13 year old and punished my 9 year old. I even let my 13 year old go on an outing for 5 hours with some friends while my 9 year old got sequestered to his room and ended up crying himself to sleep.
Later that day, the issue again arose and still, neither would fess up. My husband seemed to smell the lie though and eventually it came out that my 13 year old had been lying the entire time. Immediately I was hit with the most intense sickening feeling..
The people in my world that I love the most are the people in my world that I trust the least.
I can't stand it. I hate it. And I don't know how to fix it.
Lying is my biggest trigger. I have all of the lust or rejection related triggers that get me, but lies are the worst by far. A few months ago, my 4 year old was lying (maybe? or not?) about whether he had used the toilet or not right before we were going out. It was so stupid and yet it reduced me to meltdown mode, lashing out, and tears. Last Sunday, I trusted something someone related to my calling told me and the next day found out they had made it up and again, I was reduced to tears. It was totally stupid too. Then, yesterday, my four year old was lying about restarting the computer (he is having dishonesty issues - ugh). I didn't cry this time, but I just retreated to the couch in discouragement and was silent for a long time. My husband knew what was going on. I also struggle when I hear my husband try to discipline my son for lying when I know that he is struggles with dishonesty himself. It's so hard. The lies make me sick. I hate not knowing which way is up or down. I hate that sometimes you just can't know who is telling the truth or not. Oh how I hate it!
ReplyDeleteOne of the male addict bloggers wrote something on his blog that stuck out to me. He said "pornography poisons relationship, but lies obliterate relationships." I think it is so true. The lies are what have damaged my relationship with my husband more than anything. And I kind of feel like I can't do anything about it. Only HE can choose to do learn and work to be more honest. All I can do is work on my own honesty as well and trust in God.
I'm so glad you said that your four year old's lies trigger you! My TWO year old has started lying. Stupid stuff, like when I ask him if his diaper is poopy he says no because he doesn't want me to change him. I was going to add that in this post, that I can't trust ANYONE in my household, even my two year old, but then I felt dumb for feeling that way. So THANK YOU for validating that!
DeleteI had a missing egg experience last week. I was trying to find out which one of my children had the three eggs. I agree the lying is so hard. It took a few hours to get my daughter to confess.
ReplyDeleteI have this issue with my 9 year old. I cab't trust her to be honest. She minimizes so much! I feel your pain:(
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