Some Thoughts on Boundaries...

A question was recently posed by my uncle-in-law, Scott Hammond, author of a most excellent book called Lessons of the Lost.

How can I find someone who is lost but does not want to be found?

I want to record my thoughts on the matter here, in regards to those of our loved ones lost in addiction, but who do not want to give it up . . .

The tool that I have seen most effective is to set boundaries that disallow us, as loved ones, to enable the addict. Often times, it is our enabling that supports their habit.  A common saying that describes the turning point in an addict's life is when "the pain of the addiction finally comes to outweigh the reward"...

We have to make sure our behavior is not contributing to the addict's reward.

We must work our own recovery program along with those bound in addiction. Everyone has to work to break the chains of the roles they are playing. 

The Drama Triangle identifies a victim, rescuer and persecutor in unhealthy families. 

The key to breaking the cycle is simply to stop playing whatever role we are in. The triangle cannot function without one of its' legs. We must create clear emotional boundaries around us, in order to break the cycle of our own role; which in turn, will disallow others to play their drama triangle roles.  

Each role is a hamster wheel of dysfunction.  We simply need to stop running.