Monday, February 2, 2015

Plot Twist - Separation

I've been avoiding blogging.

I'm actually scared to, a bit, because to do so requires me to talk about scary, vulnerable things. But as I lay in bed this morning, a feeling kept coming to me that it's just time.

::: sigh :::

So here I am, my husband and I currently separated and living in separate bedrooms.

But, strangely, I am not sad about it. In fact, I haven't felt happier in quite a long time. Not the kind of happiness that one feels at Disneyland, or because of the birth of a child. It's a much deeper happiness than that.

I'm happy because I realized I am valuable enough to stand up for myself.
I'm happy because my Father in Heaven backed me up, showing that He valued me, too.
I'm happy because I have a safe space to call my own and I truly feel safe.
I'm happy because I no longer cringe when my husband walks by me.
I'm happy because I no longer feel lustful energy rolling off of him.
I'm happy because.... well, because I'm happy.

Who knew that separation could bring actual happiness? But it's true. And honestly, I feel like my husband and I have been happier together due to the separation as well. Seems completely backward when I actually type it out, but we are spending some much needed time just getting to know one another. 

Most will read this post and wonder; 'What the heck happened? Why are they separated?' I'll get to that eventually, I promise. I'm just sort of getting my feet wet with the idea of actually opening up about it. It's scary. It's easy for me to talk about my own addiction, but much more difficult for me to talk about how my husband's addiction as affected me. 

But I'm going to. Because I need to.


  1. I am in tears right now reading this. I know this betrayal. I know how this feels. I appreciate your honesty and your blog. I have followed you for years. I'll be praying for you. :) Much love!

  2. I find you strong for looking at separation in an optimistic way. Marriage doesn't remain constantly celebrated for too long. Every married couple has their ups and downs, but there are, of course, limits as to how far one can keep up with each other's differences. Although I wouldn't suggest anyone to quit so hastily, if the issues can still be worked on. Anyway, I can tell how strong and loving you are as a wife, Sidreis. I know you and your husband will make it through whatever obstacle you are faced with, now and in the future. Stumbling upon your blog has been nothing short of enchanting. Thanks for sharing such a great read! I wish you all the best!

    Joanne Krueger @ Kurtz & Blum, PLLC