My husband and I both have cell phones. For many years I had him listed in my contacts under a nickname that started with three A's so he would always be #1 in my phone. A little over two years ago when we switched to iPhones I realized I didn't really need to have him at the top of my contact list anymore because he was constantly at the top of my text list as well as in my recent calls list. So I wanted to change his name to a different nickname.
But I had a hard time deciding what to name him...
During this time my husband and I didn't have the best relationship. We both were struggling to find our place in our addiction recovery programs and we were both stuck in prideful individual isolation. I'm not sure what exactly was keeping him stuck as I can't read his mind but I know I was stuck because I was busy longing after the greener grass on the other side. I wanted a ready made husband that was attentive, un-addicted, worthy, social, perfect in his callings and many other items that I'd added to the list. Of course I wanted all this but I was not willing to consider that there were aspects of me that I needed to change and I wasn't willing to nurture the attributes in my husband that I wanted to grow. I simply wanted perfection immediately.
My dilemma in choosing a nickname stemmed from struggling to find anything positive to name him. As I stared at my phone with the qwerty keyboard display up a thought came to me and the following internal conversation took place:
"Name him 'LoveOfMyLife'"
Say wha'?
"Name him 'LoveOfMyLife'"
But he's not the love of my life. We can hardly stand each other right now.
"If you name him 'LoveOfMyLife' your love for him will grow"
At that moment I felt the Spirit calm my heart and confirm to me that this simple act of naming my husband 'LoveOfMyLife' would help nourish and strengthen our relationship. This simple act of obedience would help me grow to love him more because I would constantly be making the connection between my husband and the words 'LoveOfMyLife.'
Recently, my 13 year old son saw me texting my husband and asked:
"Why do you call him 'LoveOfMyLife?"
I answered truthfully as my eyes filled with emotion...
"Because he is...."
Thank you for all the addicted husbands out there. I wish my wife felt that way. I am trying and doing much better but it would be nice to have that support.
ReplyDeleteHold steadfast... :-) The joy will be blinding once it comes!
DeleteLove this - for me, today, the part that stuck out was the idea of nurturing the positive attributes in your husband that you want to grow. I'd be curious to hear how you have done that. This is something I need to ponder as well. It kind of makes me think of Rhyll Croshaw's adage of supporting recovery behavior - not just detaching from addict behavior. Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteHmmm... let me think on that... I'll ask him what I have done too.. I think this is a good question and I'd like to respond to it with another actual blog post rather than have it get lost in a comment. Thanks for the idea! Answer coming...
DeleteI love this! Sounds like a good idea. Thanks for sharing these sweet moments.
ReplyDeleteI took a strengthening marriage class in college and this very topic was discussed a lot. I had an assignment that I want to share with you.
Are you up for the challenge? I have so many unpublished posts, but this takes precedence because I need a refresher course on it as well.
Sure I'm up for the challenge! :-) Eager to hear what it is!
DeleteI remember when I was dating my husband I gave him a unique ring tone. How my heart would pound when I heard that tune! Now sometimes when I hear his ring, it's still a happy thing, but so much more routine. I think it IS important to nurture the romance. Now I need to think of what to rename my husband's contact info.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Glimpses of recovery are awesome.
Awesome! Let me know what you come up with!:-) I'm for the ringtone too - but my phone is rarely off vibrate anymore that I don't ever hear ringtones. Maybe I'll look into getting one though just to add to the romance as you say!
Delete