Trusting the Spirit

I had a really amazing tender mercy happen the other day regarding my husband and I wanted to share it here.  In my first blog post I expressed concern because my husband hasn't been attending the Temple and that was worrisome for me.

But Heavenly Father recently blessed me with a confirmation that squelched my fears on this issue.  I don't really remember what the conversation was that led to my husband telling me this - but at the end of the conversation he told me that he has a Book of Mormon at work, a real one.  Not on his iPhone or online, but a real live Book of Mormon, I know they are rare these days.  He told me he reads it every morning.

I know this revelation doesn't seem like anything big - but it was the Spirit of Truth associated with his words that rang true to me.

Let me back up a bit and relate how I came to hear and trust this Spirit of Truth.

After my husband's last disclosure I was left reeling.  I couldn't understand how I'd missed all the signs and I had no idea how I could ever trust him again.  During the time period he was acting out we had many conversations about recovery and he put on quite the grand act.  I believed all of it.  So how, after he had confessed, was I suppose to believe anything he ever said when all of it could potentially be a lie?  That territory terrified me.  The one person on earth that I was asked to trust the most all of a sudden was my worst enemy.

I remember one night a few weeks after his disclosure thinking and praying about this dilemma and I decided it didn't matter.  I knew the one thing I had to give through this trying time was my trust.  I didn't necessarily trust my husband but I did trust the Lord.  So I gave it all to Him.  And in return He gave me the ability to trust my husband again.

I remember it like it was yesterday...

It was a late Thursday night and we were sitting on our bed after he had come home from group.  I had decided not to go (I know, bad bad Apple) but the Lord was kind and overlooked that act of rebellion.  It's always been tradition for hubby and I to talk about group when we get home so even though I hadn't gone, we seemed to fall into our usual rhythm and he began to talk about his meeting.  Through tears he expressed his desire to be a better man, a better husband and to be clean again.  Just as the seed of doubt began to grow within my heart I heard a very loud voice that said  "you can trust this" accompanied by an amazing powerful feeling of truth.  I froze, surprised by the loud voice in my head but I welcomed the comforting words and allowed the warmth of the Spirit to settle over me.  In that moment, instead of doubting everything he said, I believed him.  I chose to believe the Spirit who confirmed it was OK to trust him and so I did.

This simple act of surrender on my part allowed me the opportunity to become a nourishing agent to his growth rather than an agent that kills seeds of hope. (Weed-Be-Gone vs Round-Up).

Fast forward to the Book of Mormon in hubbies desk.  I felt the same confirming Spirit as he told about his scripture reading: "He is OK  he is not perfect, but he is doing OK."

And that is all I needed...